My previous rant really makes me seem angry and at my wits end with the dating process. I am happy to report that one week later I am feeling much more bright and shiny about dating. I can guarantee this is because I went on a great date last night and he has not shown his frog side yet.
I will enjoy the moment with cautious optimism, but will also mention a conversation about dating that came up while I was at a Michael Jackson Memorial themed party Friday night that eventually reduced me to tears!
I think that the fact I was dressed in full MJ surgical mask regalia made me a bit sensitive and prone to crying---but I also was attacked by a pack of wolf frogs and told that I need to be giving up "the cookie" (Steve Harvey's properly coined term for having sex) when online dating.
Rundown of the conversation/attack:
Pack of Frogs (herein "POF): So you have been doing the whole online dating thing. Which site?
Me: eHarmony and a little bit of Match.
Girl in circle: How have the guys been? Any good ones?
Me: Actually I have had good results with the eHarmony thing. I have had a number of great first dates and even great 72 hour dates and one fling that lasted a few weeks before that went sour. For the most part I have been impressed at first and it is after the fact that the douchiness surfaces.
POF: 72-hour dates? What is that...a 3 day f**k fest?
Me: No. I don't really "play Scrabble" (what a very entertaining girl in NYC refers to sex as) that soon.
POF: Seriously? You don't play Scrabble? (*we were actually not referring to it as Scrabble during the conversation, but it seems more appropriate to call it Scrabble when writing this) What do you do? Guys expect Scrabble.
Me: I am pretty clear about them not getting to play Scrabble off the bat. That hasn't seemed to be a big problem.
POF: Why not play Scrabble...if a guy flies you to go on a 3-day date, he wants to play Scrabble, and thinks he is going to play!
Me: It's not like I don't play Hangman (use your imagination about what I am talking about there...hint: Hangman is a word game too, but a much lower level, less committal word game than Scrabble).
POF: Oooohhhh. Well if you play Hangman you might as well play Scrabble. It's basically the same thing.
Me: Not really. I think there is a pretty big difference.
POF: It doesn't make sense---you play Hangman but won't get naked?
Me: There are certain risks that are involved with Scrabble play that don't come into consideration when only playing Hangman. Major example---pregnancy. You can't get knocked up playing Hangman but you definitely can even if you play safe Scrabble.
POF: Well of course that's a risk....but not really. What's the big deal about a little Scrabble?
Me: (tears are welling up now) Fine...you want to know why I don't like to play Scrabble right away...because some people---like ME---can get knocked up when playing safe Scrabble and that is NOT something I want happening again.
At that point I retreated with tears.
Days later I find the encounter hilarious. At the time, not so funny. But I am also fairly clear on the fact that my ex-boyfriend was correct when telling me that the online dating thing for most guys is just the new way to get the cookie without having to go to bars for it.
It makes sense if you think about it. Guy signs up for service like eHarmony and pays a fee to have access to numerous women that are all looking for "the one." Guy has no real intention of looking for "the one," but figures if the girl thinks that he is looking for a serious relationship then her frog guard will be down and she will fall hook, line & sinker for the ruse and give up the cookie as easily as a drunk girl in a bar.
Now that I have all the information I will be on high alert that the eHarmony guys are also wanting the cookie and not a real grown-up relationship. I get it now!
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